reevaluation

To grow is to reevaluate. To reevaluate is to grow. One thing I think about is how much things don't always turn out the way you'd think they might - even if you are doing what God has called you to do. His ways are not our ways but we'd like them to be. In my efforts to strive to do what God has called me to do, I have sometimes had a singular vision. I think that sometimes I make God too small and I don't believe Him for enough. I'm working on that. As I look back on the life I've had, I wonder what if.....?

But I can't live in the world of what ifs and I need to press on in the world of what IS. Things aren't always the way I'd like them to be, but it's not all about me - is it? Or at least it shouldn't be. But don't you just wish that once in a while it would be? I honestly do. As my children get older I wish they actually did what I asked them to do instead of saying, "Okay" and then not remembering what they'd promised. I wish, and he knows this, that my husband would stop being such a gatherer and get rid of the two extra cars that have taken up residence. (I don't want the yard to look like less fortunate people live here) I wish I had the strength and energy to paint the dining room and living room myself - but I don't and I wish someone would help me. So I wonder - when did they stop listening? When did what I have to say become so unimportant and forgettable? Could I have done something different to "train" them? And then why did God make them as they are???? What if?

So in reevaluating all that is happening around me I have come to the following conclusions. I did a good job in raising my children and they need to clean out their ears. Even though they are young adults, they need to be responsible for their part of the world and it's within my rights to yank their chains if need be. My husband came to me as he is now. You can't change someone but you do need to communicate..... Mostly I just beat him to the garbage can and he has his clutter space to. The cars are a little big for the trash but he assures me they are leaving soon. I need to do the best I can with what I have - and I have been blessed with much.

My children don't do alcohol or drugs and they are productive human beings with jobs. They don't get into trouble and they say the nicest things sometimes. My husband is my bestest friend and the love of my life - even if we have our moments ...... The last 23 years have been the best and I wouldn't change it for anything. I need to communicate more, whine less and just do it (as Nike says). I need to take time for myself too and do something positive.

Love God, Love others, Love Yourself!